


The Guilt of a Commander

by Sarah_P42



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Gore, Guilt, Nightmare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah_P42/pseuds/Sarah_P42
Summary: As the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith has a lot of indirect blood on his hands. In front of his men, he keeps a strong demeanour. However, he has no control over his darkest nightmares.





	The Guilt of a Commander

The stench hit him before he could open his eyes. The fetid rotting rose through the air, the scents of blood, flesh and decay mixed in. The ground beneath his feet was soft and squishy, and he stood unevenly. He could also tell he was high up. At last, he opened his eyes, and looked down at his feet, and nearly retched in horror.

 

Beneath his feet, was an unending sea of corpses. They all varied - some were fresh, others were close to becoming nothing. Limbs poked out, some touching his legs, a physical reminder of their state. Blood stained the bottoms of his boots, and soulless eyes stared up at him. Staring in his being, into his heart, asking a silent question.  _ Why did you do this to us? _

 

He couldn’t see the bottom of the pile of bodies. He knew that if he moved, he’d fall. So, he continued to stare at the corpses, unable to pry his eyes away. Some were in pieces, some were rotting, some were mangled to a point where they were unrecognizable. But their faces are what he looked at. There was horror written some, sadness on others, anger as well. In fact, some were even peaceful. But they all had something in common. There was not a shred of happiness painted on any of their still, lifeless faces. They were all void of joy, of hope, things lost in their dying moments.

 

He felt a strong, powerful hole carving in his chest. He wanted to cry for them, but no tears would come. All that he could feel was the hollowing pain in his chest, which was quiet but crushing. 

 

All of a sudden, foreign hands gripped his legs with an iron force. And they didn’t let go. They only tightened their grip on him. He felt hands all over, coming from every direction. He tried to step away, but he couldn’t move, his feet not giving an inch. And, he started to sink. The mangled hands were pulling him down with as much force as their grip, dragging him into the mound of bodies. He struggled to break free, but the more he struggled, the quicker he sank. He was now chest deep, the warm, sticky blood painting his body and the flesh brushing his skin. Bones poked him, organs clung to him and the smell was now unbearable. 

 

As the corpses reached his chin, he heard voices from the air. Young, old, male, female, raspy, scared, small. They all repeated the same thing, their words ringing in his ears and burning themselves into his memory. 

 

_ Come join us, Commander. _

 

His mouth was now under, his breathing quickening and shallowing. The air was nasty, rotten and foul. 

 

_ Come join us, Commander. _

 

With his nose lost in the sea of bodies, he couldn’t breathe. He blinked, tears from the stench forming in the corners of his eyes. All he could see was the bodies he was sinking into and the unending darkness. 

 

_ Come join us, Commander. _

 

Those were the last words he heard as everything went black, and he was lost in the festering nothingness.

 

***

 

When he awoke, he took in a huge breath, taking in the fresh air. Not the rancid smell of blood and gore and death. 

 

He gripped the silk sheets beneath him. Not the putrid bodies. 

 

He sat up and looked around him. He was in his bedroom. Not in a never ending sea of corpses. 

 

Sweat coated his body. Not the blood of others.

 

He swung his legs over the bed, which were free of the defaced hands, and planted his feet on the wooden floor, not the fleshy bodies of his men. 

 

He stood up and walked over to the window. He popped the latch, opening the window, a chilly night breeze circling his room and wrapping itself around him. The chills gave him a comfort, knowing that he was there and this was reality. He stared out into the night sky, the stars blazing against the midnight blue backdrop. There was a calm to the sight, something that made him feel at ease. The soft wind continued to dance in his golden blond hair, and caress his skin. 

 

There was a knock on the door. He jumped, turned around and walked over to the door, his steps light. Quietly, he twisted the doorknob and opened the wooden door, creating a small creak. Not to his surprise, Levi was standing there. He knew that Levi didn't get much sleep at all, so it was expected he’d be up this hour. 

 

“Levi. Do you need something?” 

 

Levi only responded with another question. “Is everything okay?”  

 

He was taken by surprise, but he shrugged it off. “Yes, everything’s fine.”

 

“Erwin,” Levi said, his voice hard and unyielding, “don’t lie to me.” There was a seriousness in his voice that made it hard for Erwin to brush it off again.

 

Erwin sighed, gave Levi a heavy look, and motioned with his head for Levi to come inside. When Levi was in the room, Erwin closed the door and went to his bed, where there were sweat stains and all the sheets were rumpled up. Erwin sat down, feeling heavy. Levi pulled a chair up and took a seat, crossing his legs and giving Erwin a hard, yet concerned look.

 

“Why are you asking, Levi?”

 

“Because I could hear you,” Levi responded, his voice quiet.

 

Erwin raised an eyebrow.  _ What did he hear? _ But he’d ask that question later. “It was just a nightmare, that’s all,” Erwin told him.

 

There was a short silence, interrupted by Levi, who asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Erwin didn’t answer immediately, deciding whether he wanted to share his horrors just yet.

 

“I’ll tell you some other time,” Erwin finally replied.

 

And so, Erwin and Levi sat there, the both of them silent, while Erwin tried his best to forget all the dead bodies, all the rotting flesh, and the warm blood. He tried to push away the images of the unblinking eyes, all their faces staring up at him or into nothing. And, most of all, he tried to mute out the continuing sentence which still rang in his ears. 

 

But he’d never forget it. He’d never forget all the lives that had been lost under his command. Erwin knew that they’d haunt him for the rest of his life. There was a special place in hell for him, that much he was certain of, and he’d pay for all his sins and mistakes there one day. But, with Levi here, he felt that strong feeling of determination, the urge to set things right. Erwin Smith would make their sacrifices worth something, and he would do everything in his power to make sure that every other life lost would not be in vain. 

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's getting hyped for Season 3??? 
> 
> Erwin Smith has always been one of my favourite characters, and I feel as though he gets a lot of hate. So, I wrote this to give him the love and respect he deserves.
> 
> And yes, I do ship Erwin x Levi, but I tried to keep it to a bare minimum. They can be interpreted as friends in here.


End file.
